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The Connoisseur

By FRANK BANTA

He said I was the biggest knuckle-head
he ever saw, but I didn't trust him.
Sooner or later I knew he'd insult me!

[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
Worlds of If Science Fiction, May 1961.
Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]


It is infinitely more satisfactory to purchase wives when they are
young. They are vastly more respectful.

Twelve is a good purchasing age. Lisa was twelve when I bargained for
her, and she is an illustrious argument for the system.

I recall her excellent father and I facing each other across his
gleaming synthol marble table that day. On the table were small metal
shells of sweet liquor. And beside the shells were the sedulously
gathered treasures I was formally offering for Lisa: A control knob,
and a folded painting of one of