she said have I got a little story for
you oh dude now it is yeah don't sing
Pearl Jam it's like I'm listening to
Plaid Oh weird it's like we red a
Mormon's fridge well they are the
offbrand
careful so so this is all of them yep
quite the rogue's gallery of knock offy
I'm surprised we haven't ripped a and
the high fructose corn syrup Continuum
well uh 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 all
12 regenerations of the doctor well I'll
only drink 10 and 11 because they are
total
hotties fan girls are cancer well alons
whoa whoa whoa hands off the merchandise
bub we're doing this classy reach under
the
counter okay I don't really know how you
can do a Dr Pepper knockoff taste test
classy
oh yeah
okay well wine glass a
Shante spit bucket mhm Classy Touch and
this is really puzzling uh Doritos to
cleanse the palet ah brilliant thought
you'd like that okay now for reference
you want to start with the gold standard
the doctor by which all other doctors
are measured the king of beverages
Doctor Pepper Dr peps oh I would like to
be a Pepper too all right let's do this
okay good to go now before you drink
you're going to want to smell the soda
you're you're really committed to this
wine joke aren't you yep you always want
to swirl it before you smell it because
that's what releases the aromatics ah
just like gasoline yep big whiff sunny
boy what do you smell uh kind of an Oaky
Aroma but with like a a smattering of
cinnamon kind of a herbaceous quality um
yeah it's it's it's very light bodied
really
uh no it smells like a buck 50 a can can
we get on with it fine drink up all
right now don't swallow just toss it
around in your mouth just swish it big
circles
counterclockwise there you go B you were
supposed to spit it into the wine bucket
nobody wants to see that dude fine spoil
sport so we all know Dr Pepper no need
to rate that oh we're doing ratings
what's our rating system whatever
just rate him something out of something
okay uh one out of one star delightfully
confusing all right now that we've
tasted Ambrosia it's time to start
sluming it Kid ah cleanse the
P all right I'm I'm getting out of the
Splash Zone
here okay up first the leading imitator
of Dr Pepper Mr pib which we had on hand
leading
imitator oh no dude it's pib extra
they've dropped the mister no more
mister no more mister weird oh man PB is
above all that mister garbage F that
this is the soda formerly known as Mr
pip yeah you could tell they're really
freaking hip because they spelled extra
with an X extra what
generic okay thoughts um I mean yeah if
you handed this to me and and told me it
was Dr Pepper I think you might goof me
uh
it's it's it's a little sweeter and not
and not exactly in a good way uh it's
kind of got that metallicy diet after
taste that I hate but I mean it's it's
it's it's not bad it's it's
acceptable Mr pib the taste you can
accept Okay taking into account how
similar it tastes to Dr Pepper and how
good it tastes in general what's your
rating uh three and 1/2 Chris Redfield
Boulder punches out of five so a little
Boulder jab at the end yeah little
little Boulder Jab at the end
yeah all right this is your final respit
before we plunge headlong into dark soda
Darkness smother a parrot with Dr
Thunder SM par now now that's a slogan
commit animal cruelty in the first
degree with Dr Thunder he's a doctor in
the same way Dr Gonzo is a doctor
mhm that's a bit of a mess up no good
you don't want a piece of the action no
sir I do not um it's it's not great it
could definitely be better uh I don't
think uh Dr Thunder's credentials would
fool me if if I was in his office and I
looked real close at the degree on the
wall I think uh I think if you squint
you'd see the the website and the date
it was printed off on you're rating for
Dr
Thunder Dr
Thunder it was
cold that's it that's that's it um it's
got that going for it yeah I'd say uh
three stars out of zero what does that
even mean I I couldn't tell you I'm
revoking your license Dr Thunder thumbs
down oh no don't do that mountain
lightning will leave
him that gold digging Mountain
lightning Mountain lightning sounds like
it would be like Joe dirt's girlfriend
all right we're officially off the
beaten path making his way to the ring
weighing in at 12 fluid ounces Dr Shasta
Dr Shasta comes to us from the mighty
Matt Nelson thank you Matt and hey it's
it's 2016 that's a good vintage do this
like Shasta 4A into the the doctor
deception I assume so yeah God what's
next like Dr Fanta Dr tab can't you get
in trouble for impersonating a doctor I
would think so okay here we
go um yeah that's that's the first one I
can say is like legit bad if if you told
me that was Dr Pepper and handed it to
me I I I would think you did something
spooky to it it's spooky like it's
haunted no U spooky like you soaked
pennies in
it
rating uh 40 cents out of a dollar the
perfect cure for the taste bud
Blues I I drank some Dr Shasta and my
tongue hung itself yeah you may want to
consider alternative
anti-depressants a new Challenger
approaches Mar galp pal Kathy O'Brien
the rather uninspired Dr pop which
apparently were sold in Sabal
Lots were they make you bag your own
groceries and pay for the bags what they
hold the bags for ransom you're already
in a save a lot and there's more bad
news it's kind of great though if you
get in line behind somebody who isn't
aware of that because it the look on
their face they react like someone who's
being told they're getting a parking
ticket oh really I hate today
so what do you do if you don't want to
or can't pay for the bags uh you just
got to throw them loose in your car man
oh the bananas are going to get smashed
smash bananas
everywhere H yeah okay okay actually um
it's not bad really no it's it's much
better than I was expecting um it's it's
pretty close to Dr Pepper um got pretty
full body taste nice Fizz probably aged
in a barrel in a beautiful Italian Villa
no no that's that's probably going too
far it's it's okay I would say it's okay
I think nurse practitioner Pop might be
a little more honest I'm going to go
with three begrudgingly purchased
grocery bags out of five and hate bags
never
biodegrade it's true put your hands
together for my personal favorite Dr
topper Dr topper comes to us from the
lovely Carrie Regina Kenfield thank you
Carrie of Kenfield Dr topper sounds a
little British doesn't it some right
proper Dr topper H not that proper Dr
topper can be found in Dollar General
stores oh right next to the unironic
Jesus action
figures with four count them Four Points
of
articulation with three count him three
points of
crucifixion ooh Crown of Thorns sold
separately well what say
you I think someone tried to turn water
into Dr
pepper yeah it's it's it's really flat I
don't know how fresh soda tastes flat
but it's flat um three Apostles out of
12 coming up next is Western family's Dr
West courtesy again of Matt Nelson
another Matt Nelson contribution yep
thanks Matt a little backstory on
Western family before you open that Rick
uh a Utah woman found a severed snake
head in a can of their usually Snakehead
free brand of green beans back in 2016
so proceed with caution great Dr West
now with 50% more snake head you killed
it with your own dirty hands western
family you sons of [ __ ] the worst
part is if there was one in there it'd
probably be too big to flow out of the
opening and just be hanging out in there
adding snaky taste to the
[Music]
soda wh going to give it to you
[Music]
yep tastes like freshly squeezed western
family gross got to say Dr snake soup uh
Is Not Great uh like Dr topper it's it's
kind of flat I don't understand these uh
freshly open sodas being so flat doesn't
really get anywhere close to the Dr
Pepper taste but uh maybe that's just
the snake flavoring I don't know ah
don't worry I'm sure in 3 months you'll
hardly taste it two seven snake heads
out of five Dr West a prize in every
package
[Music]
all right Gentlemen please welcome to
the stage a physician with a degree in
desire Dr zeia the delicious zeia comes
to us again from the Studley Mr Matt
Nelson oh another Matt Nelson man I
don't know what shipping's like in the
zombie apocalypse but it can't be cheap
thanks
buddy that's wacky oh it's wine what the
heck this actually looks like wine yeah
they're totally downplaying the prefix
on this one too is it even a doctor at
all it's the Doctor's real uh muted in
the design why are you ashamed of your
accomplishment Zevia did the other girls
get caddy don't give in to do shame Dr
shame that' be
do with seu
Flav careful I can hear the Tumblr Army
deploying nah she's just trying to pay
her way through med school the only way
she knows how shake it girl actually
don't do that she's carbonated not
that's a bad
idea
oh plasticky mm- that tastes like melted
GI
Jo's drinking that crap is half the
battle this tastes like pure unfettered
aspartate e ingredients uh carbonated
water urethral roast urethral it sounds
like like urethra medication ouch
urethra tall man that dude has got one
tall urethra two sad pasties out of
three give these people
[Music]
air Dr
perky ah there it is the clinical
depression just kicked
in Dr perky Dr Perky's a little too
perky Dr perky appears courtesy of Norma
Gene Eaton Michael Gilstrap and Hanford
Supermarket of
Maine guess of Dr perky stay at the the
Two River Psychiatric
clinic come on I'm sorry man something
about this label is just rubbing me the
wrong way that's that's such lazy design
work someone just like slapped uh aial
narrow regular on there in a desperate
bid to be doing anything else with their
lives I mean Dr pop Dr pop has way more
effort put into their graphic design
than Dr py I think you may have allowed
your graphic design snobbery to bias you
yeah maybe thanks though Norma and
Michael Che mates oh yeah that tastes
like a cold night alone in Banger M was
it that bad yeah it's it's it's hardly
got any of that uh Dr Pepper tickle Fizz
tickle Fizz yeah that's right tickle
Fizz doesn't have hard L of the tickle
Fizz at the back of the throat uh very
Bland uh that's uh that's that's some
exceptionally mediocre soda got to say
uh glad to take the bullet for you
though Norma and Michael your final
rting
sir uh five out of five shatter dreams
what I don't know I I think I'm starting
the sugar crash you mean you're getting
sugar toe sugar toe yeah you'll
[Music]
see embrace yourself this next one's
weird do
weird behold blue
skies Dr Becker I love how the real self
aggrandizing about their brand name and
real sheepish about the product blue
skies Dr Becker yeah man but uh look at
that uh sweet unassuming Southwestern
can art by Georgio Keith that's nice
everyone's cozied up in their peblo
drinking blue skies Dr backer look at
that defiant blue packaging casting off
the oppressive Dr Pepper red coat I'm
getting pretty serious hippie Vibes off
this one man I think a Baja pullover
hoodie might be required drinking attire
and it's another Matt Nelson soda man
are you serious man thanks Matt that
dude must live in a Dr Pepper knockoff
hot
[Music]
bed
oh there's no Fizz it's just a
sitar oh it's beautiful it's beautiful
listen I think we got a watery one
that's that's it's a I don't like the
viscosity I don't like to hear
professionals tell me that
dudes andit got a watery one I think we
got a watery one Dr backer we've got a
watery one we got a watery one how's
your pecker Dr Becker is it a double
[Music]
decker how'd you get your double decker
pecker Cott in your Black and Decker Dr
Becker oh that's bad uh but it's all
natural nature tastes like ass this is
what happens when uh blue skying goes
unchecked in the boardroom this is a
this is no good I'm giving this uh one
out of five core competencies ooh you
just got a hard stop Dr Becker you need
to synergize your portfolio uh I I I
think it's diversify your portfolio oh
my bad I'm sorry I'm just trying to peel
back the layers of our paradigms and
shift our onions oh yeah well you need
to get your oceans in a row and stop
trying to boil the Ducks wouldn't you
like to be a Becker
too what what are the core competencies
anyway does anybody know nope they're
like dark matter or why PE why people
yawn lift lift from the
[Music]
knees feel like the bartender at the
saddest dive in the
world what's that you want a flaming Dr
Pepper is a flaming Dr pop okay how
about Dr topper with a Twist Dr perky on
the rocks how about a vanilla vodka and
Mr pit yeah yeah and if you're feeling
blue there's anti-depressants at the
edge of the bar but they're generic for
Zola instead of minc in the little
[Music]
bowl okay only two more to go can you do
it
Ricky I don't know man these pcas got me
on the ropes and I'm start I'm starting
to think maybe drinking 20-year-old soda
wasn't the best idea but I I think I
could power through good man okay three
guesses who sent us this next one and
the first two don't count thanks Matt
say hello to Big K Big K K Big
K Big K the allnatural male
enhancement it's a k though oh oh don't
be naive that's that's a satirical
misspelling inite makes this actually
it's it's Dr K yeah this the most
downplayed doctor yet look at that twoo
font down there why why are you all
ashamed of your Dr Pepper knock Offrey
embrace the irony
[Music]
tastes good that's the worst one yet
really let me give it a fair
shot just let me sit in nope still awful
uh that one's super Bland uh it's got
It's got the flat flatness going on the
other ones have uh real metallicy
aftertaste all of the other ones at
least approximate the doct pepper taste
but this one this this this one should
just be called Dark soda dark soda
dark soda drink for dark times oh man I
didn't expect this taste test to be such
a
downer yeah I mean I'm I'm sorry but
these these Dr Pepper knock Ops are
really bringing out the Gloom in me for
some reason teetering on the edge of an
existential crisis then Dr K is the soda
for you the soda for people lost in the
minutia of a meaningless and
unfulfilling existence stare into the
abyss with Dr K all right Heming way is
Dr K with the doctor ordered uh if he's
Dr korin oh man you're a buzz
kill rating zero out of zero nothings
wow dude that's some Next Level despair
Billy Corgan says he doesn't want to
hang anymore Commander
killjoy okay last one ladies and
gentlemen the final Contender of the
night our headliner Dr Dino Mike Dr Dino
comes to his courtesy of JJ Walker
that's a that's a lie yeah it was Matt
Nelson what we're not paying that guy
enough man but are we sure it's Dr
Dynamite is is it is it not refresh
refresher refresher care for some
refreshing refresh
a got to pour some out for my knockoff
homies never
forget sy's going to be pissed
[Music]
oh the motor control is the first thing
to
go oh Dr diapers
what i' i' I've got some pretty serious
uh soda fatigue at this point but I can
say even through the the flavor fog uh
that's that's pretty appor soda um I
think I'd rather down some of Mama Buy's
homemade bathtub giggle junks it it
tastes like water down down Dr pop oof
that's that's pretty low man that's
that's extra unforgivable with a name
like Dr Dynamite I know right it sounds
like it should be super hyped how much
saturated fat is in
nitroglycerin I don't know 20 Mig do you
feel like you're going to blow up you
you could say that um now that my
stomach is a Dr Pepper sewer uh Dr
Dynamite
[Music]
standing first year medical student at
of a possible Surgeon
General well that's it man was it as
cathartic as you hoped oh just just
Transcendent uh yeah everything looks
half submerged under Brown soda sludge
it's great that's retinopathy final
thoughts I would say Mr pib is okay um
except no other imitations uh once you
leave the safety of pepper and pib or I
think it's a a slippery sugary slope to
the the cedy underbelly of Dr Pepper
counterfeiting friends don't let friends
drink Dr Pepper
knockoffs okay so that got a little more
morose than we intended for a cheerful
bonus round uh why don't you reach down
there Rick I got a little surprise for
you that's right every single knockoff
that's defiled your tongue and the
genuine article I present to you Dr
Franken pepper but uh but don't worry uh
this has never been used before this
wine spatoon so it's totally Lally not
weird and gross well it's
it's it's weird it's a little weird no
okay well let's deliver the final
killing blow to your pancreas all right
Bottoms
[Music]
Up
and oh
dude that is an absolute Maelstrom of
the
[Music]
bees that's it's just pure sugar water
it's like it's like all of the KN offs
are fighting each other for who gets to
turn my taste buds into punching
clowns wait punching clowns yes I need a
Dr Pepper detox you're dead to me Dr
Pepper you're dead well Rick I'm glad to
hear you say that cuz there's one more
surprise for you in the
fridge come on shake a leg I got Toast
Masters after
[Music]
this come on uh
oh no you you didn't what Brave the
undead Wasteland and Venture into
Larry's One-Stop and Scenic platsburg
Missouri to get my new gaming buddy his
absolute favorite Frozen drink ever yeah
I did and to commemorate the occasion
got you a t-shirt with that classic gas
station Styrofoam cup pattern since now
you'll be full of Dr Pepper slurpie
too you did I totally did yep it was
rough too roving hordes of creepy
zombies barbaric wastelanders doomsday
cultists death Claws and there were
plenty of opportunities to get better
food and supplies or tell someone we're
trapped here but I just kept pressing on
with One Singular purpose to get you the
slurpie of your
[Music]
dreams I Zing
you yeah that's right go ahead cry it
out it's polyester
[Music]
blend how'd you get your double decker
pecker CAU in your Black and Decker Dr
Becker
hey hey flux yeah you want to try some
Dr Zia some what Dr Zia oh no way dude
that stuff has Ure rol in it everybody
knows that did you drink that you guys
are dumb that's dumb