let's cut the crap on cutting the grease
washing your car with household
detergent just how egregious a breach of
automotive etiquette is this that's next
I'm John Cadogan from Auto expert
comdataís you the place where I see new
car buyers save thousands off their next
new cars hit me up on the website for
that first let us cut this crap and also
the grease and the grime and then we
might detain ourselves briefly with a
few recent and salty nuts hand-picked of
course it could be you but only the
creme de la creme of nut dela nut
actually makes it onto this fine
upstanding family program that's all
coming up I'm thinking about hand
washing my car gray metallic and wanted
to know if using the detergent I used to
wash my dirty dishes would be suitable
unfortunately the internet is full of
dire warnings against using washing up
liquid sounds like [ __ ] to me
your thoughts the chemistry is pretty
straightforward detergents break down
grease so that you can dissolve it in
water and they are slippery and foamy to
make it fun in the hot tub with the
cheerleaders and also to help lift up
surface contamination and reduce the
other kind of grease elbow grease
because nobody likes a cheerleader with
surface contamination who's also hard to
work with
speaking from bitter personal experience
you know people commonly use liquid
dishwashing detergent or laundry
detergent to wash their cars and
amazingly enough a rift in space-time
does not open up and allow the Four
Horsemen of religious nutbag apocalyptic
folklore to ride on through these
products are pretty effective at cutting
grease and they have to be to get
congealed saturated fat and residual
bolognese sauce off the plates at home
and sweaty crutch smell out of your
undergarments so I guess they're just
right if you've been eating bolognaise
off
your car or giving it a good
post-workout rub with your wedding
vegetables they're the obvious choice if
you're doing that but a good safety tip
there if you are going to do both of
those things do them in that order so
that you do not contravene local health
regulations apropos of the preparation
of food the problem is actually that
these household detergents are a bit too
effective they're so good at cutting
grease that they will probably strip
away any protective wax on the paint of
your mother's Corolla leaving it
subsequently exposed to environmental
contamination
she's thus very likely to strike you
from the will and then everything will
go to your sister whom you have always
detested anyway and nobody wants that
except of course this environmental
contamination right that's everything
from bird [ __ ] and industrial fallout on
the acid etching attack front - grits
which is often you know silicon dioxide
which is small and hard and sharp and
thus abrasive and it causes swirl marks
in the paint when you rub it off so
there's that the wax on the paint acts
as both a chemical and a physical
barrier to these insidious paint attack
vectors and if you strip it away
obviously it's not going to be doing any
of that protecting detergent attacks
grease directly and the foam lifts up
the abrasive particles off the paint and
it helps thus minimize swirl marks a
good safety tip here is to wash from the
top of the car down the better to
prevent the higher concentration of
abrasive particles lower down from being
lifted up and if you want to be a real
car detailing car care Nazi use a second
sponge for the scungy of wheels and
sills and all of that area down there
[Music]
There is obviously a class of person who
cares deeply about the appearance of the
fine chariot and another class of person
who really could not give a flying
proverbial about that kind of thing and
a sliding scale of people somewhere in
the middle if you're kind of in the
middle with I suspect the vast majority
of us the people who sort of care how
their car looks but they're definitely
not true car care zealots then just use
a car specific one shot wash and wax
detergent based product get the car wax
twice a year and move on with your life
you know the better to detain yourself
over the stuff that really matters so
know the world definitely will not end
if you use household liquid detergent
but it is certainly a sub-optimal car
washing hack if you are that zealot
though you can detain yourself all day
long with multistage car primping and
monuments and processes just knock
yourself out polish it like a 15 year
old that's the kind of thing you enjoy
and of course if you really do not give
a [ __ ] here then I recommend a wire
brush a scotch-brite scour and wash it
all down with some Drano
[Music]
quite strangely a small number of people
felt compelled to apologize for the fact
that ford holden Mitsubishi and Nissan
paid no income tax in Australia for at
least three years John you're an auto
expert but not a tax expert corporations
have pay little or no taxes do not mean
our tax dodgers are unethical and vice
versa there are many things that
legitimately affect profitability not
necessarily due to shady accounting or
cheating all major companies hire tax
experts to find ways to pay as little
tax as possible in the long run unless
there is a deliberate illegal tax
evasion everyone ends up paying their
fair share I was very surprised at the
number of people expressing this
sentiment however I'd suggest that
attacking the qualifications of the
commentator is a weak way to kick off
you don't need to be a tax expert at all
to understand that it is manifestly
unfair for an individual on 100k a year
salary to pay more income tax than a
corporation like Shitsville Chevy or
Ford earning billions in fact I'd submit
that if we got our fine Democracy
together or a representative sample in a
focus group perhaps down the pub we
could take democracy's temperature on
this and remember corporations don't
vote people do we could even give
Shitsville Chevy's CFO or some slime bag
from the FCA I thirty minutes or more on
the floor to talk us all around on the
inherent equity of the status quo good
luck with that our fine Prime Minister
Malcolm Turnbull [ __ ] himself wants to
detain us all endlessly with issues that
really don't matter such as gay marriage
it's a diversion I just let people marry
whomever or whatever they wanted if
someone wants to marry the Sydney
Harbour [ __ ] Bridge knock yourselves
out I now pronounce you man
and coat hanger thank you now can we
finally get on with fixing the issues
that really do matter to ordinary shits
villians
you are a stupid individual hydrogen is
not the lightest gas in the universe
there is one more helium damn [ __ ] I did
scour all of the chemical literature and
although there are nine isotopes of
helium none of them are called helium
[ __ ] in point of fact helium gas is
twice as heavy as hydrogen gas in
conveniently the molecular weight of
helium is four for hydrogen it's two if
you doubt me on this and it is pretty
basic high school chemistry just go to
google and type in what's the lightest
gas you know you are kind of entitled to
your own opinion on some epistemic ly
ambiguous things chocolate vs.
strawberry you know blondes brunettes
you are not however entitled to your own
facts
love the Barnaby jab keep the bastards
honest I'm pretty sure Barnaby enjoys a
jab - ultimately I mean he got paid 150
grand for having one for those of you
who know nothing of [ __ ] civilian
politics Barnaby Joyce is the former
deputy prime minister of our fine South
Pacific [ __ ] he is in fact a
genetically modified beetroot in a
ridiculous hat who fell over
accidentally in the shower one day and
landed inside one of his ministerial
aides there's no nice way to put this a
child ensued and sadly he lost the big
gigas turned [ __ ] sexes are slicker
in chief and ultimately he sold his
story to the trashy media for a hundred
and fifty big ones
it's a modern adaptation of course of
Samuel Taylor Coleridge's immortal
classic Rime of the Ancient Mariner with
screenplay I guess by Lewis Black it all
sounds like a fairly tacky low-rent and
ethically Bank
thing for a sitting member of parliament
to do mainly because that's exactly what
it is
personal opinion and I guess he wonders
why everyone now calls him the Beach
Rooter search hashtag the beach Rooter
on Twitter and you will see exactly what
I mean
how would you like to have your loved
ones cemetery monument used like this
mr. fun is talking about this scene from
my recent he under eye 30 n review
cemetery monument it's called a grave to
answer your question when my loved ones
depart this mortal coil I expect them to
be with Jesus and Allah and Thor and
Zeus which is to say that they won't
exist except in my memory how is my use
of this grave any different to the many
and varied uses of cemeteries in
Hollywood as long as the site was not
damaged and I assure you it was not I'm
sure the only people directly affected
really were not in a position to give a
[ __ ] would rather push me Commodore then
get a lift with you belief and sure I'll
buy whatever I like new come out he's
sweet agreed
totally well almost certainly instead of
getting a lift with me I too would
prefer you to push you're fine Commodore
preferably over a cliff into the Great
Southern Ocean the better to emulate the
sales performance and public popularity
of the new french-owned german-made
Shitsville Chevy flagship faux pas the
new Holden Commodore is a dog which has
absolutely bombed even worse than I
thought it ever would they should have
retired the Commodore nameplate with the
V F to the better to give it a
respectful burial in place of this
undignified lingering death football
meat pies kangaroos and shooting
ourselves in the foot
the Shitsville Chevy way what this can
hamed to
with Subaru Impreza's and there is
nothing wrong with the Toyota Corolla
honestly you are just a bell and bellend
really I think he's talking about you
all night you know that you mean much
more to me than that
anyway Corolla most boring popular car
in the universe a lot of people want a
boring uninspiring car with the
approximate personality of the second
fridge in the laundry of course and if
that's you knock yourself out
oh what a feeling ken ham [ __ ] smells
worst export ever by a country mile
worse even than Shane Warne leader of
the creationist [ __ ] cult in
[Music]
Kentucky [ __ ] Stan emblematic of
people who refused to look at the facts
because the Bible tells them so anytime
I need an example of why it is dangerous
to ignore the facts ken ham is my go-to
guy the obvious choice mr. ham is a
former school principal terrifyingly
enough who says the world is just 6,000
years old
actual scientifically proven age 4.6
billion years so there's that
hashtag ffs I'm John Cadogan I hope this
helps Monday mornings generally so hard
few nuts might lighten your load thanks
for watching