 The story you are about to see is true. Only the characters have been changed to protect the disgraced and dishonored. These are their real life FML stories. Okay, let's see what you remember. Okay, well, let me see now. Okay, I know why they call these the well drinks because they're in the well. And I know what they call those top show because they're on the top shelf, right? What do they call those call drinks? Hey, mama. What's this? This is my new bar back from Dallas. Howdy. I'm training them. Oh, how's you doing? Got good hands. Caught everything I'm nearly on. Locked over the days. Not a bad word to go day. Gotcha. I was first over all of my age division at the junior rodeo five years running. Oh, my God. I'm so glad that you guys are here. Somebody happened to say hi. Who is this? This is my new bar back. Howdy, ma'am. Howdy yourself, partner. How about you come on over and see me get it? Oh, my God. I can't even do this right now. Stop. I'm going to put it away. You guys, something's wrong with me. Yeah, we know. No, but for real. Something happened last night. I was never having fun in my entire life. It was not okay. What you said no? Come on. Oh, my God. Look at that. That's so hilarious. I'm like genuinely concerned, guys. Like seriously. Are you going to tell us what happened? Yes. Okay. I'm getting there. Okay. So, last night I was hung. I was with Paulo. Oh, the Greek? No, the Italian. And totally hung like one. Like long and pretty. So, yeah. So, I went to his house and I get there, I was at down. I started doing a thing. I started doing a thing. And then he's down here. And when he pulls out. Oh, my God. What happened? He started. But not from there. Okay. I started from here. So, it's funny. Okay. I'm glad that my front part is funny to you. It's all the grief. No. No. It happens that everyone... Wait, how do you... of all people not know about this? I don't know. But wait, wait. Okay. So, okay. So, it's like a thing. Because I thought I was like super loose, loose, loose. Oh, God. Because it's sick or something. No. It's not... You're not sick. Embarrassed but not sick. It's just one of those things that happens, right? Yeah. Right. I don't know what to say. It's never happened to me before. Okay. What? I thought that you just said it happens to everybody. It does. Wait. What do you mean it's never happened to you? Hello, ladies. What, Queenie? Ever done it? Jesus. I haven't even had my coffee yet. We're ready on Queenie. What have you? Hasn't everybody? Well, Megan was a virgin to it until last night. And apparently, Frankie never has. Really? Really? Truth? Why? That's not possible. You are with a black man. And all joking aside, you have told me that that is not just a stereotype. Apparently it is possible. I keep my meat while it tight. Huh? What? You think Queenie is bad? Try getting sliced from top to bottom, not knowing what hole from whatever and then trying to find said hole after all the hemorrhoids that come with an apesiatomy. And long for the days that a little Queen is my big problem. This is awesome dinner sauce. I like horrible. You feel better about your little Queen now? I feel a lot better about my Queen. Can we just not say that? It's what? Queenie? I swear to God that just gives me the keys. That's what it is. Well, can we just not say it though? Well, what do you want to call it? A duck fart. Huh? A duck fart. I mean, when I was in the sorority house in Michigan, we used to have to come up with code names for colorful things. I way we could talk about anything anywhere and outside of it would be normalizer. It's ingenious. Okay, so why duck farts? Well, apparently one of my sorority sisters, the Jynal lips, were bigger, hung lower, sharper. Okay, resembled a beak. Anyway, some people have a kitty, she had duck, she's big Jynal. Anyway, the same thing happened to her with, of course, the president of the largest fraternity on campus. So for a whole semester, we were known as, oh, if we can't, but don't, or she may queep on you. That's when we all started doing kegels. Be kegels, like kegels. That's a cute word, or might be a big old. Wait, why are you doing kegels if you don't need a... That's why I do them. So that shit doesn't happen to me. You know, if ever done them while you're driving in the car, you know, good beat comes on. Oh, you! Yeah, no. We're not scary. Come here. Ty, I was forgotten about you. Get back here. Okay, we'll watch out for this one. A wild one. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I've had my share of wild LA women. Thank you. I don't know what's in the water y'all drink, but it makes you crazy. Oh, no, don't let us all together. We're not all crazy. I didn't even buy that coming from you, especially after a little kegel overshare. My overshare? Okay, no. Yeah, apple boy. I think you just not been looking at me. Hey, hey, don't you have a cook for a bus boy to rest? Leave my bar back alone. Okay? He's doing a good job. I don't want you scared him on. Oh, he's so cute. He's got good hair. Really? I was first over all my age division at the junior rodeo five years running around. Specialty in hog time. I'll try and get some more specialty too. Oh, no, you are relentless. Infantory. Go count bottles. Thank you. I'll get to class anyways. But, oh, I wanted to ask, uh, can I borrow Marcus' jeep? It's recycling day tomorrow. Yeah. See why? No, it's not like he has a job to get to. Nothing yet? No. Wait, what about all those auditions he's been going on? He's got a really big one today, actually. First thing going on a while. Well, I've got to scout. I'm Cookie Mom today at Jack and Mariano School. So, I get to bake cookies with 15 preschoolers. I just wanted to make sure that we're hanging out at the waterfront tonight. Is it Tuesday? Oh, huh. All right. Love you, ladies. Bye, ladies. Bye, bye. Wait, are you going tonight? No, I'm not working. Afterwork. No. I'm not working. You got a date, whoah, love. Yeah, I got it. No way. Okay. Like a legit date where he takes you out to dinner before you give it up. Come on. Where's with the hostility? I happen to be a very healthy, functioning, unattached, intelligent individual who likes something more than mental stimulation from time to time. From time to time, your time is so frequent. I don't know how you make deans list every semester. It fathoms me how you even get any studying done. Uh, 15 minutes study breaks in the 20-cho. I don't know. Oh, I'm nervous. Come on, guys. Lighten up. Study, sex, study, sex. We're in some repeat. It's awesome. Okay. I'm telling you, sex is like brain food to me. Okay. It clears out all that other cocky that's in my brain. And then that is when I do so my best work. I'm telling you. You never thought that I was first in my class six semesters running without being on some sort of drug, did you? Well, the mushroom tip just happens to be mine. And I like fucking mushrooms. Oh. Jesus, Mary, Jesus. Um. Ugh. Oh, sorry. Hey, guys. You want another round? Another round of that? You can give it yourself. Come on. You know, I, uh, I think I did okay. I'm in a hope on it. Frank is a really good teacher. Yeah, she's actually good for something. It's something one of us. No, no, no. She was really great. I, uh, I mean, I learned how to, how to pour beer with a boy in big head, you know. And I'm going to be a little bit more careful. And, uh, you know, I learned how to do either in Torrey. No, he means count bottles. Who hired you again? Well, you did. Oh, much for another one of my brilliant ideas. Was I drinking? Hey, baby. Oh. That was your audition. I don't know, this is for what? Oh, it's for a new movie. The new project with a hot new writer, director of the same style as Nicholas Sparks. Nicholas Sparks? You got the worth of notebook. The notebook? Love the notebook. How that's great. Really would have been had the director not call me Xavier through the entire audition. Oh, I know it. You're Xavier from the streets. Whoa. Who's this? Oh, Marcus Dallas. Dallas. Marcus. I was really embarrassed and felt bad, but admitted he was a huge fan and excited that I was ready for the heart. What's amazing? Not what you mean in front of producers is not. The director can't see me as anything but Xavier and the producers aren't going to you. You know, if it helps, my friend is head of casting over the, uh, a flare network. Oh, that's great. Can you give him a call? Give him a call, Tom. I don't, I don't want you to go through that trouble. I'm dying to catch up, anyway. Thanks. Look at it like this. People come a heartthrob to a whole new fan base. When the flare network presents, Marcus's are formally Xavier King Drug Pinnett, the hit show in the streets as Cade Coxman. You love the name. King Drug Pinn. With a dick like gold, the amount of his deproved in felching lives. Drink please. Now. Thank you. I'll try again. I don't know if that is what I know is really. It's like, no. No one. It sounds like a belch, but it's not as nice. Right? And it's not from. It is not from your mouth. What? Alper? A belch? Asperger. What is it? It's fucking disgusting. What's disgusting? It's putting a gerbil up your ass and then blowing crack into the anus hole so that the fucking thing has spasm.