Simon: Jillian?
Jillian: Yes?
Simon: Your boy looks like a drinking guy.
Jillian: I would say so.
Simon: Is he a bit of a.
. .?
Peter: You're pretty right.
I am.
Simon: Yeah, you're one of those guys that
gets up in the morning and reaches under the
bed for a beer, aren't you?
Peter: I can never say no to a beer.
Simon: Thought so.
How about a shot, then?
Peter: Can't say no to a shot.
Simon: Can you knock them back quick?
Peter: Depends, maybe.
Simon: Pretty quick?
Jillian: Depends on the shot.
Peter: Yeah, it depends on the shot.
Simon: We did bring up your favorites here.
We've got three shots and I've got three pints
of beer.
Peter: Uh-oh.
Simon: A little betcha coming up.
Did you guess?
Jillian: Of course.
Peter: Yeah, it was coming up.
Simon: You knew, didn't you, Jillian?
She's very smart.
Peter: Smart cookie.
Simon: Unlike you, who would ride on the little
yellow bus.
Here's our little betcha.
I'm prepared to bet you I can drink those
three pints of beer before you can drink those
three shots.
Peter: You can't do it.
You can't do it.
Simon: There is one caveat to the bet.
Peter: Of course.
Simon: You knew that was coming.
Peter: Yeah.
Simon: But it's a simple one, because I don't
want you to say to Jillian, "Hey, grab one
of his beers and run away and hide it," because
this isn't a game of hide and go seek.
Peter: You stole my plan.
Simon: This is a game of speed, my friend.
This is a game of speed.
The only rule is, you're not allowed to touch
the other player's glasses.
You can't touch mine, I can't touch yours.
That's a fair thing, right?
Peter: Right, right, yeah.
Jillian: Seems fair.
Simon: By the way, of course If I win, you
pay for all the drinks.
Peter: All of these?
Simon: Yeah, but if you win, look at those
little tiny shot glasses.
What about the children, the baby children?
Little tiny shot glasses against these three
pints of beer.
If I lose, I pay for all the drinks and I
buy Jillian's drinks all night.
Jillian: I like that idea.
Peter: Yeah.
Simon: Yeah?
Ready to go for it, my friend?
Peter: I'll try it.
Simon: Here's the deal, my friends at home,
this is all about how you set up the bet.
It's sneaky.
It's all in the setup.
He can't touch my glasses.
I can't touch his.
He doesn't realize what I'm going to do, but
I do.
You see, you've got to remember one thing,
you innocent, naive viewers at home, that
I teach you everything you know, but I don't
teach you everything that I know.
Here's what you do.
He goes for his first shot, I go for my first
beer.
All you've got to be able to do is drink a
pint of beer very quickly, like this.
Peter: You blocked me.
Simon: Now he's not allowed to touch my glass.
So I can spend the rest of the night enjoying
my drinks with Jillian, while you try to work
out.
. .
Peter: A way to get.
. .
Simon: . . .just how the heck you're going
to get a straw under there.
And that, my friends is how you can get a
lot of drinks for absolutely no money, which
is my favorite way to do it.